I can say that I’m getting more and more fed up and sad at work, and blahblahblah, no one cares.
Ooh, look Drew bought muffins.
So, getting off earlier than I normally do, Loki was asleep and I didn’t disturb him. Around midnight, he came out and started playing around with Drew and I. He was great. Dumb, funny, and all around cute as most kittens tend to be, but what got to me the most was when Drew decided to go back to bed.
Loki and I kept playing for a little while, but it died down the later/earlier it got. Come to about 4 AM, and here Loki is, kneading my stomach and chest; he falls asleep. Not once did this happen, but four times. I was doing the usual cat scratching spots: under the chin, behind the ear, between the shoulder blades, and at the base of the tail, Loki was a pool of purring fur. It was amazing.
An hour later, I start feeling the heat from my cheeks, the heaviness of my own eyelids, and of course the blatant sleepy voice whenever I talked to him…I turn off TMNT, which we were watching at the time, pick up my phone, and place Loki on the cushine beside me. He stretches, yawns, and just looks up at me before going back behind me and kneading me again. I stand up, he jumps off. I walk to the light switch, he follows between my feet. I step forward he rubs against my leg. I couldn’t leave him there like that…
I pick him up and he nuzzles to my neck and shoulder, turn off the light and he sqeaks out his muted meow. Replace my hands around him as he twists and turns out of panic, futz with my phone for a light source, get past my room and turned on my light so he can see…but this is already too far for him to handle. He is meowing up a storm and clawing me everywhere. I just wanted to take him to bed with me…
I put him down on our hard wood hallway and he scurries around; ears pinned back out of fright. Meowing occassionally but not finding the right way back to his haven. Loki ran into our coat closet but darted back through the corner into the living room all the while mewing for his life. I follow close behind making sure he is alright, and he hides back by the couch across the room. I turn on the light once again, just long enough for him to get his barrings back as to where he was… I step back, and he goes to his food dish. I flip the light the final time, walk into the bathroom, look down and notice the blood splotched amidst my chest and arm.
I really freaked him out… only because I didn’t want to leave him alone while everyone else was asleep.
Do you know what I just noticed. I haven’t gone out/had a date in over two years. Hmm.
I really hate it when my debit card won’t let me put more than $500 on it in one day. Like I have shit I’ve been saving up for and places to go that cost more than that, but I have to wait! Ugh… Ok, I’ll start being modest about my income again starting now.
All I needed was a person to be there to listen to my woes, have a calming voice and just let me cry. That never happened. No one was there. Everything came to a screeching halt when I woke up crying. And again, when I broke down at dinner. Feeling lost in all the life around me, where having nothing to support. Not good. And I still have no voice.