My heart has been erratic for the past three days, causing me to be completely fucked in the energy department. I haven’t slept really for the past month. I am having a harder time waking up, not that I don’t want to wake up, I just can’t. I wake up once with my actual alarm, and then…nothing. It really depends. Yesterday it was 2, today it was 3 in the afternoon. I haven’t been able to shake the feeling of always crying, feeling like shit, and just pain. I feel like a husk of the man I used to be. Giving no reason as to why people should bother talking to me. I’m easily flustered, confused, and irritated. I have mashed all the days I can think of into one huge glob of time, that interweaves amongst itself, causing more confusion and mass hysteria. I have had mini episodes that have been the worst that I’ve ever had. I am really indifferent. I want company constantly, resulting in the smallest amount of ‘neglect’ ‘ignorance’ or dropped text rewarded with the harshest ‘I’ll talk to you later…’ ever given. This post has no significance, because no one really will read this, care, or even understand to what to do to help. My check up evaluation was canceled and I have no idea why. My hob is making me more and more angry. I can’t spell. I am losing an uphill battle.
I. Am. Dying. Slowly. Surely. I have no idea why. Or how.